Dizziness. It’s a bad place. It’s a place filled with “what if” and “when will it stop?” moments. For the last few days, I developed a dizziness accompanied with nausea right on the heels of a sinus infection and a throw up virus. So today, the world became steady again. The doctor gave me medicine to treat the dizziness and medicine to control stomach acid to help with the nausea. They have both seemed to work. I am beyond happy as I needed the stability. I lost five pounds in the last week because I couldn’t eat. Just sipping on chicken broth today and becoming rehydrated has made all the difference. This has been quite a journey from my hilltop experience of winning a special award two weeks ago to the dark cave of sickness.
When the dizzy moments came and all I could do was hope the room would stop spinning, I couldn’t think beyond that moment. I would pray or sleep when all I could do was lay around, feverish and chilled. Upon getting up from laying down, I had to give myself the grace to go slowly. Thankfully, the view of my surroundings would stop being blurry and come in focus after a few seconds. My progressive lenses sometimes make me have a one second blurry moment while my eyes are adjusting into one of the three zones, but the clarity that came after sitting and spinning for a few seconds gave tremendous relief. My purpose could be accomplished like getting up and walking once I became steady.
David, in the Bible, also had a moment of clarity in a cave on a steep hill by the Dead Sea one day. His clarity came after a big moment of overcoming Goliath with a sling and a stone. His comrades had encouraged him to kill his enemy, King Saul, who was chasing after David to kill him. David and his boys were hiding from Saul in caves in Israel. All 600 of this band of disgruntled men, some of whom were under a death sentence by Saul, and him had hidden in the back of one particular cave. Their words, no doubt, caused David to be confused and have swirling thoughts of “Shoud I?” Or “Should I not?” do what they want me to do which was to kill Saul.
It is my opinion that God allowed King Saul to choose the same cave where David and his men were in to relieve himself so that David would have to stop the swirling of questions. While Saul was going to the bathroom in the cave, David got so close to cut off a corner of Saul’s clothing/robe without Saul knowing it. Once Saul had left the cave and was returning to his 3,000 soldiers, David came out of the cave, waved the corner of Saul’s robe which he had cut off and announced to Saul that he could have killed him but he chose not to do so. David honored King Saul at the very moment when he could have killed him. He didn’t kill him, but he did confront him later. David said, “I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the LORD’s anointed.” 1 Samuel 24:10
David’s conviction became clear when he was in reach of his enemy. Wow. After all of the dizziness, he didn’t lose his balance. The cave stopped spinning. His circumstances had produced nothing but dizzying confusion. It took a few minutes, but the moment he decided not to kill, he showed that he honored God more than men. He did later have a problem with guilt over cutting off the king’s robe which could have indicated a transfer of power from one king to another, but he did not force his way into power. He realized more than ever that God has a time frame. Just because God allowed Saul to wander into David’s cave didn’t mean that it was time to kill. Instead, it was time to trust God to guide and develop David.
David proceeds to tell Saul and his soldiers that Saul was trying to kill an innocent man then calls on God to act. The next verses say this:
1 Samuel 24:12-13
“May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, ‘From evildoers come evil deeds,’ so my hand will not touch you.”
David’s comments make the point that Saul would have been dead if David were an evil doer.
David announces that he is the innocent one and calls on God to clear him from accusation from Saul. Here’s how Saul responds in 1 Samuel 10:16 – 22:
16 When David finished saying this, Saul asked, “Is that your voice,David my son?” And he wept aloud. 17 “You are more righteous than I,”he said. “You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly. 18 You have just now told me about the good you did to me; the Lord delivered me into your hands, but you did not kill me. 19 When a man finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the Lord reward you well for the way you treated me today. 20 I know that you will surely be king and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hands.21 Now swear to me by the Lord that you will not kill off my descendants or wipe out my name from my father’s family.”
22 So David gave his oath to Saul. Then Saul returned home, but David and his men went up to the stronghold.
I continue to be amazed at how clarity came in the moments as David approached Saul quietly. Sometimes, it seems that we have to be at a point like David where God brings us to a choice in order to allow us to be clear on his purpose. Ultimately, the choice will please God and honor him. He is the one who brings justice and will clear up the misconceptions and misunderstandings. We, like David, have to allow God to move on the heart of those who are against us. God will make a way just as he did for David on that hill in a cave.
I thing it interesting that David says he’s not an evil doer which is why he doesn’t kill the king when he had the chance. I know that David needed this moment in his life to recognize that at that moment in time, his heart aligned with God’s purposes. When I look back over my life, I can recall moments when I needed “that moment” to also realize that I could have acted one way, but was glad I didn’t. I appreciate how God still lets us have moments of clarity after days and weeks of sitting and spinning, not knowing how to respond, wondering how to handle a situation. His timing is perfect. We aren’t. But, when I seek to honor him instead of succumbing to what seems right, I will learn and grow into a deeper trust relationship with Him.
By the way, the hill that David was on dropped off into the Dead Sea. I think it is a picture of how we can sometimes be in a place where the circumstances around us are steep and lead to a lifeless solution, like the Dead Sea which supports no life due to its salinity. David chose to not stay in the dizziness of despair brought to him by his 600 men, but relied on God to provide the work around. God will allow encounters with those who may be against us which is all the more reason to think with clarity of mind. His timing and his ways are always the best.
Sitting and spinning, wondering and waiting…the resolution will come when we remember that God is in control of every situation and moment.
What we do matters. What we say matters.
Who we are matters.
Who God is matters most.
